November 29, 2006

Life in a swing, sand in my toes, sun on my skin.

Since last week, I try to make it a point to go out and get the morning sun. Either at the swimming pool or just in company to the market with my mother.

Today, my mum went to the market with my dad. I didn't follow. I thought I'd go change currency for the trip. I thought I'd just make a short trip to the town central. But, on the spur of the moment, I decided that could wait. I wanted to go take a walk in the sun, at the park.

That's what I did.

There were 2 little boys playing at the playground, unsupervised. I wondered, where were the parents? Or grandparents? Or the maid? I stood leaning against this small drawbridge, soaking in the sun. Feeling the heat warm my skin, yet the breeze lightly kissing my face. It made me feel good.

Then, came another little girl and boy, twins. In a stroller. They were with their helper. Turkish children. I went to sit near where they were playing. I tried to strike up a conversation with them. Failed. They were, after all, barely 2 years old. But they smiled at me. Big round eyes, both of them have. I exchanged a few words with the helper.

I went to sit on the swing. I kicked the sand, kicked in the air. I went up, and up, and up. I thought this is life...

Sometimes, we go front and up, sometimes we go back and down. But we gotta keep moving. Most of the time, we can play on the swing, go high up through our own strength, our own kicking in the sand and in the air, pulling and pushing with our arms. And, the swing gets a momentum of its own and we can rest for awhile but it will stay high up. That is a feeling of liberation. A feeling as close to flying as it can possibly get.

Then, the swing loses a bit of energy and we start to go down. Lower and lower. Sometimes, we act to accelerate it again. We kick about again. But other times, we let it be. We are tired. And yet other times, we want to stay up. But, are too tired to do it through our own strength. That's why we need friends. Friends to give us a push from behind. Sometimes, a gentle push; other times, a stronger push.

xxx

My thoughts drifted to Guoqiang, Desmond and Kay.

Guoqiang and I knew each other since primary school. The swing was our common fave. We would practically fight to be on the swing, if there's only one available then. And if we happened to be both on swings, we would compete who can swing the highest and longest. He's a sore loser. But he never lost. I never let him. haha. It was hilarious.

Desmond and I used to enjoy walks in the park. Sometimes, we would come across playground and the swing would be free. Usually, Desmond was happy just to sit on the swing and swing, with legs still fixed on the ground. He claimed his legs were too long. Hence, it's hard to swing. I was the one who always wanted to swing high up. He would end up being the one to push me from behind. Until he got all sweaty and decided I should stop building my sense of liberation on his strength. It's quite funny.

Kay and I... I can't recall a time where we sat on the swings and swing high into the air. Maybe cos she has height phobia. I don't know. I don't remember if even I took a go on the swing with her pushing me from behind. Maybe we were too caught up with other things, going places, doing other things that we both also enjoyed.

It made me feel awfully nostalgic, thinking about these on the swing just now.

xxx

'Why are you sad?'

I turned to understand that the question was directed at me. It was the Turkish children's helper. She's a Filipino.

'Why are you sad?' she asked.

'How could you tell?' I replied.

She smiled. Then, I smiled.

She's 54. Almost twice my age. She's widowed and has 8 children and 8 grandchildren. They are all in Philipines. She's been working in Singapore as a maid for 14 years.

'Don't think about problems. There are a lot of problems in life. Problems come and they go. You don't think about it. Just let them go.' she said.

She made me feel greatly touched. I was that close to crying. A stranger who could tell I was sad, and shared with me her experience about her own life's problems, all in a matter of half an hour on the swing.

A few times, I thought of getting her name. But, I didn't. Because I knew this would probably be an episodic encounter. I didn't want to ask her name, only to forget it in the time to come. I wanted to remember that this stranger made me feel better, made me feel touched.

xxx

So many people come into our lives and walk out too. We may forget them, their names, even how they look like. But we never forget the way they made us feel.

That's what I just shared with Snow yesterday. He believed in 2 years' time, I would start turning to God, and Jesus. But, I already have. God has been dropping comments in my blog. Haven't you noticed?

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:07